to write in here... how long since I've last writen in here? hm?? too long, that's what.
So what has happened... let's see...
I don't remember when I last wrote so I'll just go through all of june using the planner thingy that I put down major events that happened.
So I think I remember writing about Rye Playland and such so I'll just add that the school gave elaine back 6 free one day passes that I am in the process of selling. I had a dinner with Ryans mom on sunday the 7th of June at some Happy Buddha place on main street.
For mom's birthday, me and Karmen walked allt he way to waldbaums at bay terrace to get her orchids (which are wilted upstaris now because I hlooked on line and they said that you weren't supposed to move orchids in the budding stage or they'll wilt etc which they did) But that's besides the point. Mom loved them :)
Then on saturday the 13th I went to Ryan's place to watch a movie (don't remember which one) then later headed out to the city ti meet up with Kat and some of my friends at the museum of Natural History. Heh heh, that was a very interesting story. Since when I got there it was a super major sausage fest like WOAHHH. It was Kat and 9 other guys. I was like: sausage fest much guys lol. It was some people I knew and some of her stoney friends. Hui, Thomas Su, Brian Loo(ryans friend) etc. And the funny thing was, they were all eatting out ot Kat's hand. They were all flirting and likeing her NO LIE. After the museum, (That i grudgingly paid to get into because they wanted to stay a bit longer and the museum) we went to look for BAMN! a place that we later learned shut down that I was really looking forward to :( so we went to Crumbs bakery instead. Ryan got me a cupcake (capuccino chip) and he got himself one (raspberry swirl) and it was soooooo uber sweet. It was like ew. We both ate half and could absolutely not finish the rest. It was THAT sweet. We should have gotten just one instead but meh whatever. Sayed (friend of Kat's) was a beast and he finished both Ryan and my other half, which was good. Because if we threw that away, I would have felt really bad about wasting food since it was so expensive. Like $5 a cupcake. The thing with Crumbs is that me and Ryan were the only ones sitting away from the group of 9 guys plus Kat. So it was funny because me and Ryan were like guessing who was going to be the victor in winning Kat over. Ryan even thought that no one knew me and him were going out. Perhaps it was lack of PDA? But no, I was holding his hand all the way. Just because I don't kiss ryan in front of family does not mean I don't kiss him at all or that .... yea I'm gonna stop there. lol After Crumbs we walked allt he way back to Chinatown since Kat had a family dinner and mom had some birthday dinner at South Street Seaport so dad was driving Iris and mom to the seaport and karmen and elaine and me and ryan back home. We had dinner at the Sweet & Tart Cafe in flushing and calle dit a night. Was an interesting day. Not to mention Ryan gave me a piggyback ride while we were walking back to chinatown so how would anyone not know that we were going out? hmm?
so blah blah blah week passes by without much happening. bumming and orientation leader thingy on wednesdays. having to wake up at 6 to get to campus by 7 (dad driving me and karmen). Doing the balloon thing, herding the incoming freshman to sign in then eat breakfast in the ballroom. yadaa yadda yadaa waiting till all speeches were done then to bring them over to Kiely to their rooms to register. helping them register. meeting creeepy stalker dude Kevin Lin who finds me through facebook with only my first name T_T
Then there was the BBQ at gramps for father's day. In the morning I went to Ryan's place to watch the bootleg movie UP that i bought in brooklyn the day before. I invited Ryan to come along and we brought an oreo cheesecake that we made (me and karmen and Ryan we made it like the friday before the barbeque along with lemon cookies that are uber salty and i believe is still sitting in my fridge... heh heh ) :D It was a great barbeque. There were lots of shish kebabs and chicken wings and desserts. Very filling. Michelle, Julia and Diana were all there and we acually had nice chats and talks. Convo was great for a change. We sat in the garage doing th BBQ since it was a rainy day and Justin stopped by. Was cool.Had fruit salad, cherries, cheesecake, red bean tong shui for dessert. Like omg it was so filling but it was the good filling :)
Then on tuesday june 23, I went out with Jordan and Ryan :) I had planned an outting with jordan the previous week but it got pushed back since it was raining so we went on tuesday instead. We went to the High Line Park which is a new park that just finished getting renovated even though it still isnt finished yet. It was beautiful and we had a great time. The night before I made Heaven dolls because I said I would and I would never forget Heaven for making me a Karen doll to bring with her to the prom since I wouldnt go and I really wanted to. So after the pics were posted (ryan brought his camera etc) she was happy :D. But thats besides the point, after High Line Park we headed to Chelsea Markets for lunch food and got soup at Hale and Hearty's . Food was yum. Then took the train to the East Village around St. Marks place where Crumbs was to go to 16 Handles (a frozen yogurt place that has 16 different flavors of frozen yogurt at a time hence the name 16 handles since it doesn literally have 16 handles that you do youself. ) The frozen yogurt was yummy :3
After tuesday, wednesday was orientation leader thingy again, then on thursday I went out with Ryan and his best friend Andrew Lang and Brian Loo to play pool at Carom. Which later escalated to Gordon Chen, Justin Shen, and Thomas Li coming along for lunch at Joe's Shanghai. And ultimately a 7 ppl car ride to Peck Park since the guys wanted to play handball. Let me tell you that car ride was not fun. It was a small 2 door honda civic that we were in T_T and I had to sit on Ryan/ Thomas' lap with my neck all crooked since the car ceiling was not too high. ugh yuck. But I survived and that was all that mattered. Then later we broke up and Ryan took me to dinner at Udon West and took the bus and walked me home.
The following day (friday) was another outing. Went to play mahjong at Thomas' place. The original plan was that Tony was going to be our last leg but Tony couldn't make it in the end. So Ryan and I went ot Alex's (Ryan's good friend what lives like 2 blocks away from Thomas) and woke him up to go play MJ with us. So we played for 5 hours then Gordon calls and says he's coming and Tony arrives and Brian Loo arrives. Then I leave, not bothering to ask for a car ride from Thomas because he looked like he wasn't going to give me one (busy playing resident evil with gordon) and me and Ryan takes the bus back homes. Was an okay day save for the thunder storm that just happens to show up when I'm taking the bus T_T *sigh* Oh yea after wards after dinner, me and mom and karmen go to waldbaums and the Gap at Bayterrace and buy a shirt and jeans for dad. Then I went to Starbusks there to get that grapefruit Izze drink that everyone says is great. Of which I found to be good but eh. I kinda like the clementine flavor better...
A week passes by and this last tuesday (2 days ago) me and Ryan went out on a double date with Kelly and Justin shen at this malaysian place which later gave me a tummy ache and made me go potty number 2 like 7 times yesterday. Not fun.
That was my june. I'm tired of typing this much. How was yours?
Till next time.
So what has happened... let's see...
I don't remember when I last wrote so I'll just go through all of june using the planner thingy that I put down major events that happened.
So I think I remember writing about Rye Playland and such so I'll just add that the school gave elaine back 6 free one day passes that I am in the process of selling. I had a dinner with Ryans mom on sunday the 7th of June at some Happy Buddha place on main street.
For mom's birthday, me and Karmen walked allt he way to waldbaums at bay terrace to get her orchids (which are wilted upstaris now because I hlooked on line and they said that you weren't supposed to move orchids in the budding stage or they'll wilt etc which they did) But that's besides the point. Mom loved them :)
Then on saturday the 13th I went to Ryan's place to watch a movie (don't remember which one) then later headed out to the city ti meet up with Kat and some of my friends at the museum of Natural History. Heh heh, that was a very interesting story. Since when I got there it was a super major sausage fest like WOAHHH. It was Kat and 9 other guys. I was like: sausage fest much guys lol. It was some people I knew and some of her stoney friends. Hui, Thomas Su, Brian Loo(ryans friend) etc. And the funny thing was, they were all eatting out ot Kat's hand. They were all flirting and likeing her NO LIE. After the museum, (That i grudgingly paid to get into because they wanted to stay a bit longer and the museum) we went to look for BAMN! a place that we later learned shut down that I was really looking forward to :( so we went to Crumbs bakery instead. Ryan got me a cupcake (capuccino chip) and he got himself one (raspberry swirl) and it was soooooo uber sweet. It was like ew. We both ate half and could absolutely not finish the rest. It was THAT sweet. We should have gotten just one instead but meh whatever. Sayed (friend of Kat's) was a beast and he finished both Ryan and my other half, which was good. Because if we threw that away, I would have felt really bad about wasting food since it was so expensive. Like $5 a cupcake. The thing with Crumbs is that me and Ryan were the only ones sitting away from the group of 9 guys plus Kat. So it was funny because me and Ryan were like guessing who was going to be the victor in winning Kat over. Ryan even thought that no one knew me and him were going out. Perhaps it was lack of PDA? But no, I was holding his hand all the way. Just because I don't kiss ryan in front of family does not mean I don't kiss him at all or that .... yea I'm gonna stop there. lol After Crumbs we walked allt he way back to Chinatown since Kat had a family dinner and mom had some birthday dinner at South Street Seaport so dad was driving Iris and mom to the seaport and karmen and elaine and me and ryan back home. We had dinner at the Sweet & Tart Cafe in flushing and calle dit a night. Was an interesting day. Not to mention Ryan gave me a piggyback ride while we were walking back to chinatown so how would anyone not know that we were going out? hmm?
so blah blah blah week passes by without much happening. bumming and orientation leader thingy on wednesdays. having to wake up at 6 to get to campus by 7 (dad driving me and karmen). Doing the balloon thing, herding the incoming freshman to sign in then eat breakfast in the ballroom. yadaa yadda yadaa waiting till all speeches were done then to bring them over to Kiely to their rooms to register. helping them register. meeting creeepy stalker dude Kevin Lin who finds me through facebook with only my first name T_T
Then there was the BBQ at gramps for father's day. In the morning I went to Ryan's place to watch the bootleg movie UP that i bought in brooklyn the day before. I invited Ryan to come along and we brought an oreo cheesecake that we made (me and karmen and Ryan we made it like the friday before the barbeque along with lemon cookies that are uber salty and i believe is still sitting in my fridge... heh heh ) :D It was a great barbeque. There were lots of shish kebabs and chicken wings and desserts. Very filling. Michelle, Julia and Diana were all there and we acually had nice chats and talks. Convo was great for a change. We sat in the garage doing th BBQ since it was a rainy day and Justin stopped by. Was cool.Had fruit salad, cherries, cheesecake, red bean tong shui for dessert. Like omg it was so filling but it was the good filling :)
Then on tuesday june 23, I went out with Jordan and Ryan :) I had planned an outting with jordan the previous week but it got pushed back since it was raining so we went on tuesday instead. We went to the High Line Park which is a new park that just finished getting renovated even though it still isnt finished yet. It was beautiful and we had a great time. The night before I made Heaven dolls because I said I would and I would never forget Heaven for making me a Karen doll to bring with her to the prom since I wouldnt go and I really wanted to. So after the pics were posted (ryan brought his camera etc) she was happy :D. But thats besides the point, after High Line Park we headed to Chelsea Markets for lunch food and got soup at Hale and Hearty's . Food was yum. Then took the train to the East Village around St. Marks place where Crumbs was to go to 16 Handles (a frozen yogurt place that has 16 different flavors of frozen yogurt at a time hence the name 16 handles since it doesn literally have 16 handles that you do youself. ) The frozen yogurt was yummy :3
After tuesday, wednesday was orientation leader thingy again, then on thursday I went out with Ryan and his best friend Andrew Lang and Brian Loo to play pool at Carom. Which later escalated to Gordon Chen, Justin Shen, and Thomas Li coming along for lunch at Joe's Shanghai. And ultimately a 7 ppl car ride to Peck Park since the guys wanted to play handball. Let me tell you that car ride was not fun. It was a small 2 door honda civic that we were in T_T and I had to sit on Ryan/ Thomas' lap with my neck all crooked since the car ceiling was not too high. ugh yuck. But I survived and that was all that mattered. Then later we broke up and Ryan took me to dinner at Udon West and took the bus and walked me home.
The following day (friday) was another outing. Went to play mahjong at Thomas' place. The original plan was that Tony was going to be our last leg but Tony couldn't make it in the end. So Ryan and I went ot Alex's (Ryan's good friend what lives like 2 blocks away from Thomas) and woke him up to go play MJ with us. So we played for 5 hours then Gordon calls and says he's coming and Tony arrives and Brian Loo arrives. Then I leave, not bothering to ask for a car ride from Thomas because he looked like he wasn't going to give me one (busy playing resident evil with gordon) and me and Ryan takes the bus back homes. Was an okay day save for the thunder storm that just happens to show up when I'm taking the bus T_T *sigh* Oh yea after wards after dinner, me and mom and karmen go to waldbaums and the Gap at Bayterrace and buy a shirt and jeans for dad. Then I went to Starbusks there to get that grapefruit Izze drink that everyone says is great. Of which I found to be good but eh. I kinda like the clementine flavor better...
A week passes by and this last tuesday (2 days ago) me and Ryan went out on a double date with Kelly and Justin shen at this malaysian place which later gave me a tummy ache and made me go potty number 2 like 7 times yesterday. Not fun.
That was my june. I'm tired of typing this much. How was yours?
Till next time.
to write some stuffs down so I'll just keep editing this one as I go along:
- I watched Star Trek (The one with Sylar as spock) with Ryan and Karmen some time ago with large popcorn and soda. I was so worth the $8.50 per ticket.
- I stole Ryan's PSP (still have it right now) and beat Loco Roco over the weekend that I had it (last weekend)
- Right now I have his PSP again but am playing Patapon2
- Saw Francis Lewis High School's production of Beauty and the Beast on fri May 8. Sat next to tiff k and andy and thought it sucked compared to last years production of Little Shop of Horrors.
- Still haven't picked out a major.
so I said I would continue right? I kept up my end of the bargain this time :) Well, its monday morning and I'm sick. Well not officially but sort of. I've got colored flem fro my nose and my throat hurts. It hurt last night so I wasn't able to sleep. Went downstairs and ate lots of watermelon. Then tried to sleep but yea... very very sore throat.
Where did I leave off last time? I'm not quite sure. But yea, talked to Ryan after I got off the computer and apparently yea... it was just ya. I don't really like Gordon or anyone. It was major bother of them. I kind of expected alot from the barbeque and was sorely disappointed. Just goes to show that I have high expectations and the saying that goes, never expect too much. You're better off expecting nothing than something. That way you'd be surprised. I should live by that. But yea the barbeque was alright. There were hotdogs, sausages, etc.
By the end of the day we went to paloma's and then while justin was out there with me and ryan that smart ass kevin jhun had to come up and go- hey can you guys chip in for the $250 gift from toyqube that I got for justin. its was so stupid since its not like he feels (justin I mean) that the party was a pity thing that kevin has to go and ask people to chip in for the gift. I just went to the bathroom. I had to pee. I think I was dehydrated yesterday... because when I got home, I had lots of watermelon and drinks and didn't have to pee much. Maybe that's why I'm sick?
Oh yea, I've come to the conclusion that I don't really care what mom or other people think about me and Ryan because right now, I just want him in my life. Thats is all. I love him and I don't want him gone. I don't even think I'm right for him. I think I take him away from his 'friends' and 'social life' alot. But I'll work on that. I'm going to try and give him more space and stuff so he can hang with his friends more. I don't want to be one of those clingy girlfriends. So that is just what I'll do.
On saturday Andrew came up from texas and we had this nice gathering of talk after dinner. Talked about how our parents met and got together. Talked about how we were going to choose a wife for andrew since he says he wants to get married as soon as possible and have lots of kids. (there goes my notion that I thought he was gay) but yea. They said ryan was goodlooking and naturally clean?? (as in his face) and I guess I just never thought about Ryan as goodlooking. Ryan was just you know, there. Just like he always is. He's always there for me. But yea. Compliments to Ryan from andrew... that was a first. I'm starting to wonder why I hate or dispise him at all. He's such a charmer. Maybe thats why... I don't trust his intentions. He charms over everyone... and I'm skeptical. I know what he's up to.... hehe
none of the top made much sense and I'm not going t bother to re-read it. I haven't written in here in awhile, makes me think of how hard it is to write things in general. You always have to have a guide or storyline or plot to go by. Or else, everything just seems like a mix mosh pit of jumled thoughts/ feeling/ emotions and words. Like it it now. T_T
Anyways tonight I have a dinner to attend to with grandma and grandpa.
Don't know what else to write... so I guess I'll stop now. Continue this the
Where did I leave off last time? I'm not quite sure. But yea, talked to Ryan after I got off the computer and apparently yea... it was just ya. I don't really like Gordon or anyone. It was major bother of them. I kind of expected alot from the barbeque and was sorely disappointed. Just goes to show that I have high expectations and the saying that goes, never expect too much. You're better off expecting nothing than something. That way you'd be surprised. I should live by that. But yea the barbeque was alright. There were hotdogs, sausages, etc.
By the end of the day we went to paloma's and then while justin was out there with me and ryan that smart ass kevin jhun had to come up and go- hey can you guys chip in for the $250 gift from toyqube that I got for justin. its was so stupid since its not like he feels (justin I mean) that the party was a pity thing that kevin has to go and ask people to chip in for the gift. I just went to the bathroom. I had to pee. I think I was dehydrated yesterday... because when I got home, I had lots of watermelon and drinks and didn't have to pee much. Maybe that's why I'm sick?
Oh yea, I've come to the conclusion that I don't really care what mom or other people think about me and Ryan because right now, I just want him in my life. Thats is all. I love him and I don't want him gone. I don't even think I'm right for him. I think I take him away from his 'friends' and 'social life' alot. But I'll work on that. I'm going to try and give him more space and stuff so he can hang with his friends more. I don't want to be one of those clingy girlfriends. So that is just what I'll do.
On saturday Andrew came up from texas and we had this nice gathering of talk after dinner. Talked about how our parents met and got together. Talked about how we were going to choose a wife for andrew since he says he wants to get married as soon as possible and have lots of kids. (there goes my notion that I thought he was gay) but yea. They said ryan was goodlooking and naturally clean?? (as in his face) and I guess I just never thought about Ryan as goodlooking. Ryan was just you know, there. Just like he always is. He's always there for me. But yea. Compliments to Ryan from andrew... that was a first. I'm starting to wonder why I hate or dispise him at all. He's such a charmer. Maybe thats why... I don't trust his intentions. He charms over everyone... and I'm skeptical. I know what he's up to.... hehe
none of the top made much sense and I'm not going t bother to re-read it. I haven't written in here in awhile, makes me think of how hard it is to write things in general. You always have to have a guide or storyline or plot to go by. Or else, everything just seems like a mix mosh pit of jumled thoughts/ feeling/ emotions and words. Like it it now. T_T
Anyways tonight I have a dinner to attend to with grandma and grandpa.
Don't know what else to write... so I guess I'll stop now. Continue this the
- Music:Taylor Swift. You're not sorry
I should really write more. It helps me remember things. Like seriously. Perhaps it might even help me write better for english or whatever. But yea, you'll see me here writing more often since college is out and summer is here. Shit I only have 19 minutes to write.
So yea today was sunday before memorial day (and by chance Katherine's birthday but whatever it's not about her). Went to the barbeque at Kelly's place for Justin Shen's belated birthday barbeque. Was late because she changed the time from 1pm to 11:30 -.-''
But whatever, I happened to come by late and stuff but I brought burger buns and hotdog buns and utensils of which I thought that they didn't need anyways. But whatever. Since I was late and all... but meh. It was alright. Me and Ryan got there a little late and we walked there so it was kinda hot and stuff. But besides that we ate a little then played Taboo with the whole group. Chatted a little with Paloma and stuff. But basically I kept to myself and Ryan. I felt bad though. I felt like I was keeping Ryan back from the group of people because I wasn't really all that talkative. I don't know. I was just so enthusiastic about the whole barbeque that I forgot that these people I called my friends weren't really my friends. :/
Oh yea. and Ryan had really bad misquito bite.
Well... that's how I look at it. After the barbeque we went to the park near Bay Terrace where Kelly lived and people played handball and whatnot while me and Ryan just like sat there. I felt so bad. I'm not emo. I seriously don't think I'm emo but I just didn't feel like I fit in the whole thing. Well... maybe because the majority of the group of 'friends' that were there were guys. And Paloma. haha which minus well be a boy. So maybe thats why I don't feel like I belong. Theres so much masculinity going on that I'm like blah. It's different now. But yea that's besides the point. Then it started to rain so we headed back to THomas' car and it took forever for people to decided where to go that me, Ryan, and Gordon went to Waldbaums to get something to drink because it was sooooooo hawt and we were all thirsty. After that, we went to Dunkin DOughnuts/Baskin Robbins at Northern Bldv and Ryan got us a turtle blast :3 it was good. But it gave me brain freeze.
Then after that we headed back into the car and went to Paloma's place. Hung out there for awhile. The guys and Paloma playing video games in her room while me, Ryan, Justin and Daniel Wu watched part of Batman Begins. After that Thomas drove me and Ryan to the Q31 bus stop since Ryan had to take the bus to meet up with his mom for another party.
TO BE CONTINUED.
So yea today was sunday before memorial day (and by chance Katherine's birthday but whatever it's not about her). Went to the barbeque at Kelly's place for Justin Shen's belated birthday barbeque. Was late because she changed the time from 1pm to 11:30 -.-''
But whatever, I happened to come by late and stuff but I brought burger buns and hotdog buns and utensils of which I thought that they didn't need anyways. But whatever. Since I was late and all... but meh. It was alright. Me and Ryan got there a little late and we walked there so it was kinda hot and stuff. But besides that we ate a little then played Taboo with the whole group. Chatted a little with Paloma and stuff. But basically I kept to myself and Ryan. I felt bad though. I felt like I was keeping Ryan back from the group of people because I wasn't really all that talkative. I don't know. I was just so enthusiastic about the whole barbeque that I forgot that these people I called my friends weren't really my friends. :/
Oh yea. and Ryan had really bad misquito bite.
Well... that's how I look at it. After the barbeque we went to the park near Bay Terrace where Kelly lived and people played handball and whatnot while me and Ryan just like sat there. I felt so bad. I'm not emo. I seriously don't think I'm emo but I just didn't feel like I fit in the whole thing. Well... maybe because the majority of the group of 'friends' that were there were guys. And Paloma. haha which minus well be a boy. So maybe thats why I don't feel like I belong. Theres so much masculinity going on that I'm like blah. It's different now. But yea that's besides the point. Then it started to rain so we headed back to THomas' car and it took forever for people to decided where to go that me, Ryan, and Gordon went to Waldbaums to get something to drink because it was sooooooo hawt and we were all thirsty. After that, we went to Dunkin DOughnuts/Baskin Robbins at Northern Bldv and Ryan got us a turtle blast :3 it was good. But it gave me brain freeze.
Then after that we headed back into the car and went to Paloma's place. Hung out there for awhile. The guys and Paloma playing video games in her room while me, Ryan, Justin and Daniel Wu watched part of Batman Begins. After that Thomas drove me and Ryan to the Q31 bus stop since Ryan had to take the bus to meet up with his mom for another party.
TO BE CONTINUED.
So yesterday Heaven came up from Virginia to visit. The day was as follows:
I left the house early and took the bus to Ryans since I was early and hung out there for about a half hour... snogging I guess... because he was sorry? about the night before where I was super annoyed at him because his father was bleh about the whole Mongolia trip and stuff.
Then Heaven calls and we head out and get there late because while snogging Ryans tummy was gurgling like fire. SO we get to 74th a little late but thats okay. Heaven and Jordan are there. We take the subway to Chelsea Markets and get out of hte subway to find that theres is a street fair going on. So we walk around teh street fair before heading the 2 blocks to Chelsea Markets where Hale and Hearty Soup is the best shit in the world. Sex in your mouth like forever in your mouth. I got the 10 vegtable soup and it was so chunky it was a full meal like zomggg and it came with bread.
Also had gelato of which the flavors we couldn't pronounce but it was just heavenly. Nothing compares. After that we went back to the train to get off at Grand Central for the Earth Day fair. It was nice. We saw a couple in wedding attire taking their wedding pictures at grand central :) pretty. Got free lotion samples. Then later went back to flushing to queens crossing to eat some food again. Oh yea did I mention that the weather was 82 degrees? yea. nice.
then kenneth came along to join us to totos and then the day ended with ryan taking the bus home with me :)
I left the house early and took the bus to Ryans since I was early and hung out there for about a half hour... snogging I guess... because he was sorry? about the night before where I was super annoyed at him because his father was bleh about the whole Mongolia trip and stuff.
Then Heaven calls and we head out and get there late because while snogging Ryans tummy was gurgling like fire. SO we get to 74th a little late but thats okay. Heaven and Jordan are there. We take the subway to Chelsea Markets and get out of hte subway to find that theres is a street fair going on. So we walk around teh street fair before heading the 2 blocks to Chelsea Markets where Hale and Hearty Soup is the best shit in the world. Sex in your mouth like forever in your mouth. I got the 10 vegtable soup and it was so chunky it was a full meal like zomggg and it came with bread.
Also had gelato of which the flavors we couldn't pronounce but it was just heavenly. Nothing compares. After that we went back to the train to get off at Grand Central for the Earth Day fair. It was nice. We saw a couple in wedding attire taking their wedding pictures at grand central :) pretty. Got free lotion samples. Then later went back to flushing to queens crossing to eat some food again. Oh yea did I mention that the weather was 82 degrees? yea. nice.
then kenneth came along to join us to totos and then the day ended with ryan taking the bus home with me :)
I don't think I'll ever understand life in general. It has a way of sneaking up on you. Amidst my mood swings theres the thought that I just don't want to do it anymore. I just want to run away from everyone that knows me and that I know. I just want a quiet rock next to a stream to sit and think. I don't want to care about how I look, if I'm doing things the right way. I don't want to plan to get married in 10 years. I don't want the scrutiny of the public for my choices. I just want to be free. But of course life in this cruel planet and what it is to be human revolves around something called the economy. You have to work and get paid then have children and live life just like that. I can't help thinking that maybe I was made for something special and something not of the norm. But then what if I'm just nothing special afterall? What if I'm simply made for the bore of everything.
I don't know what to do. I have no motivation. No hopes, no dreams. No. I lie. I do have a hope, and that would be to find what it is. What an utterly useless hope. It goes back into a never ending circle. I fear I'm going to grow up to become a bum. Oh well. Tomorrows another day. I'll just wake up tomorrow and wish for something good to happy. Like a sudden epiphany or something.
I don't know what to do. I have no motivation. No hopes, no dreams. No. I lie. I do have a hope, and that would be to find what it is. What an utterly useless hope. It goes back into a never ending circle. I fear I'm going to grow up to become a bum. Oh well. Tomorrows another day. I'll just wake up tomorrow and wish for something good to happy. Like a sudden epiphany or something.
- Mood:
blank
I don't think I will ever understand the human mind and its workings. You think you know but you never really know. So I give up trying.
So whats up lately? Currently on second day of spring break. Went out today and walked all the way to ryans place and watched disney movies :) it was alright. More like bumming at his place I guess. And somehow I thought it would be a wonderfully magical thing? To bum at my boyfriends place. Woah was I mistaken. I can't help feeling that this magic isn't going to last long. Whatever magic there is left between us.
On other things, Heaven will be arriving the 24 of April to visit NY :) I needs to plan for that. Other than that, the only other thing to look forward to is um lets see, vacationing with Ryan and the family to mongolia the end of this summer but who knows what I will do before that. I'd probably bum more at home. I still have not called back The summer Camp counselor job place. and its been awhile. Ugh. I need to grow a back bone. Get a life. Be happy. Quit feeling sorry for myself. And stop being a no life loser maface.
Yes these are the thoughts of the Karen. Kill me now. I'm not even feeling like socializing at all. With anyone for that matter. I have no money and all I do is berate the boyfriend because of my wants and needs. I hate my life. The end.
So whats up lately? Currently on second day of spring break. Went out today and walked all the way to ryans place and watched disney movies :) it was alright. More like bumming at his place I guess. And somehow I thought it would be a wonderfully magical thing? To bum at my boyfriends place. Woah was I mistaken. I can't help feeling that this magic isn't going to last long. Whatever magic there is left between us.
On other things, Heaven will be arriving the 24 of April to visit NY :) I needs to plan for that. Other than that, the only other thing to look forward to is um lets see, vacationing with Ryan and the family to mongolia the end of this summer but who knows what I will do before that. I'd probably bum more at home. I still have not called back The summer Camp counselor job place. and its been awhile. Ugh. I need to grow a back bone. Get a life. Be happy. Quit feeling sorry for myself. And stop being a no life loser maface.
Yes these are the thoughts of the Karen. Kill me now. I'm not even feeling like socializing at all. With anyone for that matter. I have no money and all I do is berate the boyfriend because of my wants and needs. I hate my life. The end.
- Mood:
gloomy - Music:Antidote by Ady Smith
Well for today... been kinda moody lately. Not quite sure why. Perhaps its the raging hormones that always accompanies my TOM. Perhaps not. So yesterday, I went to grannies as usual on a typical Saturday. Call Ryan dearest only to find him at Queens Center Mall??? So I'm not panicking or whatever... I just wonder why, I mean because he usually doesn't go anywhere for the weekend... except for stay home and do laundry or whatever. So he tells me that he's there to go clothes shopping. I'm like okay fine... with who? because naturally no normal person would go clothes shopping by themselves unless they were truly friendless. He's there with Thomas and Alcina. Great. With Alcina (so now I have no reason to suspect that Thomas will say anything to Ryan about our so called conversations online (emotional on my part, it ended up with me wussing out on telling Ryan that I love him but don't think I love him and Thomas getting mad at me because he was like ' R U FUCKING SERIOUS?'. But that's besides the point). So yes they go shopping and Ryan says he'll call me later. So he does call me later that night and we talk. He tells me about his day and shopping for clothes which was a full wardrobe makeover. And I'm sitting there listening to him talk about it all like O_O what? and I ask him why and he simply said that he was looking through his clothes and thought that he really needed some new clothes so he calls Thomas and Alcina because he thought that they were good judges of clothing. Okay fine. Blah blah blah we keep talking and he tells he he went shopping at A&E and got ripped jeans. This totally blows my mind. Totally. I'm totally like WHAT?! and Ryan's just like they look good on me. So I just go okay.... what did your mom say? and he said she said that it looked good. So basically I'm a little mopey and emotional aliitle and just confused and a little bit sad because what if he thought that when I said he didn't turn me on, meant that I wanted him to become something else? And you see that's the whole thing, I don't know what I want. And what if him getting new clothes is gonna change him entirely into someone else that I don't know anymore. Someone that, possibly won't love me like before and start to see the many faults and hate them and want out? I've never been dumped before. And I just don't know. Whatever I said to Thomas, wasn't completely 100% accurate. Sure I might have said some things but in the end I seriously didn't want to say anything that would jepordize what I have with Ryan. Because I was and still am so dead afraid that if Ryan changes for me, or changes for whatever reason, I might not like the new Ryan. You get it? No you probably don't. Since I'm just normally talking to myself on the computer on livejournal.com
Today he's out with Andrew to show him place to get his haircut and he's at Queens Center Mall again. With Andrew's girlfriend and her sister celebrating their anniversary (its not third wheel status but whatever). And I can't help wondering if Ryan is changing into someone who shops at A&E, wears nice shoes that are white, wears ripped jeans, pops the collar, outgoing, very friendly, and won't appreciate stuff that I make for him or think I'm sper whiny and call him too much and maybe even see me too much. I can't help thinking that it's what he's gonna turn into and I won't be as important to him anymore, if not important at all anymore to him. I'm simply scared of losing him.
But if its gonna happen, its gonna happen eventually. So I'm gonna try hard not to get to attached to the situation. Just let it flow.
Today he's out with Andrew to show him place to get his haircut and he's at Queens Center Mall again. With Andrew's girlfriend and her sister celebrating their anniversary (its not third wheel status but whatever). And I can't help wondering if Ryan is changing into someone who shops at A&E, wears nice shoes that are white, wears ripped jeans, pops the collar, outgoing, very friendly, and won't appreciate stuff that I make for him or think I'm sper whiny and call him too much and maybe even see me too much. I can't help thinking that it's what he's gonna turn into and I won't be as important to him anymore, if not important at all anymore to him. I'm simply scared of losing him.
But if its gonna happen, its gonna happen eventually. So I'm gonna try hard not to get to attached to the situation. Just let it flow.
- Mood:
moody
I spent at grandmas house in Brooklyn. Playing mahjong. Not because I didn't want to celebrate it with Ryan, but because it was where he assumed I'd go. Even after I told him that I don't necessarily have to go to grandmas on Saturdays but because I want to. On Friday however, we did nothing special, went over to his place after class and just hung out there a little. Oh yea, he also gave me a valentines package of Godiva chocolates. (Which I accepted after a bit of fuss and now love because they taste just oh so good) But that's besides the point. Then what is the point you ask? Umm, simply put, I'm just not satisfied with him. Don't think I'll ever be.
I told Thomas how I felt about it all and stuff and he doesn't understand. I told Heaven about it, and she understands. But now theres a rift between me and Thomas and frankly, I don't give a fuck. I just need to find a way to ... tell Ryan. I need to tell Ryan that basically, I love him but I'm not in love with him and haven't been for a good while. I don't think its possible for him to be someone I'd fall in love it in the future at all. It's just the little things that make up a big thing about Ryan that make me unable to see a future with him. Sure he loves me. Maybe alot. But in this case I don't think love is enough to compromise the relationship we have.
I know I need to tell him all these things, and that all I've been doing these past few months is procrasstinate. But I just can't. I'd rather suffer till I absolutely cannot than to break his heart and lose the one person I care for (besides family) because of it.
I don't know what to do.
Please someone tell me what to do.
I told Thomas how I felt about it all and stuff and he doesn't understand. I told Heaven about it, and she understands. But now theres a rift between me and Thomas and frankly, I don't give a fuck. I just need to find a way to ... tell Ryan. I need to tell Ryan that basically, I love him but I'm not in love with him and haven't been for a good while. I don't think its possible for him to be someone I'd fall in love it in the future at all. It's just the little things that make up a big thing about Ryan that make me unable to see a future with him. Sure he loves me. Maybe alot. But in this case I don't think love is enough to compromise the relationship we have.
I know I need to tell him all these things, and that all I've been doing these past few months is procrasstinate. But I just can't. I'd rather suffer till I absolutely cannot than to break his heart and lose the one person I care for (besides family) because of it.
I don't know what to do.
Please someone tell me what to do.
and i have forgoteen wat happened in a few days only because i dont keep close track of it >.< wahhhhhh
i should write more often. seriously. i've just been lazy ans neglecting it but watever. i shall TRY to stop my lazy ways... but hmm... shouldnt i be cleaning the house for new years?? lol there goes my lazyness again! but i promise i'll turn off this computer to go clean AFTER i eat lunch mmmhmmm.
so wat happened. he asked me if i wanted to have sex... with him. um... >.< i didnt know wat to say. but he was all cute like with it cuz i really didnt hear him say it the first 2 times. lol we were at his place on the couch. snuggled and watching the grudge. and all of a sudden he just mumbles sumthin and i really dont hear it. lol but yea.. he flared red... so im quiet and we continue watching the movie and i ask him why.. haha i cant believe i asked him why. lol he just shrugged. so then after a little while more i ask him : i thought you wanted to wait. and he's like: well that was before but i want to now. so i just go back to watching tv. and then after awhile i just tell him i dont know. cuz i really dont know.
its 50/50 for me. i know that recently things have been ermmm heating up between the two of us and the topic has been on my mind... and i know it has been on his. but i really dont know. i mean age wise, im 18 in college. wats wrong? lots of people have done it when they were in highschool. age is not the problem. its the emotional parts i think. im scared. in general. i mean he hasnt even gotten me 1/2 naked what makes him think that i'd do the whole shebangs? :/ iono. i just think we should get to know eachother better?? but then again we've been together for a year plus. *sigh* i dunno. i r confused...
i should write more often. seriously. i've just been lazy ans neglecting it but watever. i shall TRY to stop my lazy ways... but hmm... shouldnt i be cleaning the house for new years?? lol there goes my lazyness again! but i promise i'll turn off this computer to go clean AFTER i eat lunch mmmhmmm.
so wat happened. he asked me if i wanted to have sex... with him. um... >.< i didnt know wat to say. but he was all cute like with it cuz i really didnt hear him say it the first 2 times. lol we were at his place on the couch. snuggled and watching the grudge. and all of a sudden he just mumbles sumthin and i really dont hear it. lol but yea.. he flared red... so im quiet and we continue watching the movie and i ask him why.. haha i cant believe i asked him why. lol he just shrugged. so then after a little while more i ask him : i thought you wanted to wait. and he's like: well that was before but i want to now. so i just go back to watching tv. and then after awhile i just tell him i dont know. cuz i really dont know.
its 50/50 for me. i know that recently things have been ermmm heating up between the two of us and the topic has been on my mind... and i know it has been on his. but i really dont know. i mean age wise, im 18 in college. wats wrong? lots of people have done it when they were in highschool. age is not the problem. its the emotional parts i think. im scared. in general. i mean he hasnt even gotten me 1/2 naked what makes him think that i'd do the whole shebangs? :/ iono. i just think we should get to know eachother better?? but then again we've been together for a year plus. *sigh* i dunno. i r confused...
- Mood:
thoughtful
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righterzblox- Katie
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